The Dreaded Playdate

Every so often I see a mom sign up for a membership never to be seen or heard. They may lurk the board from time to time but never actually come out to any events. I encourage moms to come out to events and for various reasons it doesn't always work with their schedule. This I understand. We're all busy, and it's impossible to have events scheduled at times that will accommodate everyone.

What I do wonder is how many of these moms don't come out to an event because they are shy and nervous? Nervous of what you may ask? Well, of fitting in. Of acceptance. Of the unknown. See, I understand because I was a new member too at one time. 

My daughter when we just moved to Burlington. I spent a lot of time taking pictures of her to pass the time.

I'll take you back 2 years ago. We moved to Burlington, Ontario. Me, my husband and my 6 month old daughter. I didn't know anyone there. I was scared of being lonely but excited for our next adventure. I knew in order to survive I would have to join classes with my daughter. And lots! So I Googled mom and baby activities around the Burlington / Halton area. I was prepared to drive anywhere so I could get out of the house and keep busy. I joined swimming. I wasn't too nervous about this. It's swimming. We listen to the instructor but don't have to really worry if we aren't talking to other moms. We're there to to swim, not socialize. But when I arrived I felt the urge to talk to the other moms. I was so lonely I just needed to talk, to anyone! So I'd strike up a conversation and they'd talk back to me. We'd smile, say "I'll see you next week," and go on our day. After the last class I never saw those moms again. How do you pick up another mommy friend? It's not that easy. "Do you want to be my friend?"

So I Googled more activities. I stumbled upon momstown. It sounded like an interesting concept. So I signed up. $45! What do I have to lose. I signed up for a few events. I think I canceled the first few. I chickened out. Go to a playdate where I don't know anyone?!?! So I built up courage and I signed up for another. I clicked on each mom's profile who was signed up. I studied it like I was preparing for an exam. I didn't want to forget anyone's name or their kid's name. My first event was at Sharkey's. The Goldfish Playdate. It was a public place, so not as awkward as going into a strange mom's home. This I can handle. I chatted with the other moms. My daughter looked around and smiled at the other moms and babies. I went home and looked at their profiles again. I liked them. I think I may have found some friends. And I don't have to ask them to be my friend! I can see the next playdate they are signed up for and go. It will just come naturally.

Next up, a playdate at someone's home. I remember going to our first playdate at a mom's home. Ringing the doorbell and introducing myself. "Hi, I'm Ester. I'm here for your playdate." Again, another new and awkward situation. But I overcame it. Was I nervous? Yes! But each and every mom at that playdate had been new at one point too. They went through those same feelings I went through. You won't make friends unless you put yourself out there. It's like dating.  Mr. Right won't come along while you're sitting at home. 

A group of moms that I became friends with. All our kids turned 1 around the same time so we celebrated together.

I realized that it wasn't so bad to go to a playdate and not know anyone. I was nervous but I also wanted to teach my baby not to fear the unknown. To be sociable. I'm a pretty shy person but as I get out there, forcing myself to meet other moms, I am overcoming my shy nature. You probably won't hear me stop talking now. I also think reading the message board helped too. You start to feel like you know these moms before you even meet. It was nice to find a message board that was with local moms, not moms across the country.

Going to a playgroup is so much more valuable then we realize. It provides moms and their babies with activities that get them out of the house. You can make new friends and enjoy adult conversation. It helps moms from feeling isolated, which is essential in fighting postpartum depression. Socializing is important in order to be happy, healthy moms. Your baby is socializing too. Even if you think he or she is just lying there. They are watching other babies. Processing what is going on. These babies do get older. Eventually they'll be crawling and walking! Playing with the other babies that they have essentially grown up with. Making friends too!

So you shy moms, get out there! Come to a playdate. If you are lucky to have a mom group in your community like momstown, join! And come out to an event. Those heart racing, sweating palms will eventually go away. The dreaded playdate isn't as bad as you think it will be. And it sure beats trying to pick up a mom at the playground.

Zombie Moms

With baby's delivery expected to come any day, sleepless nights are becoming the norm. Moms out there know what I mean. The uncomfortable stage where you can't find the right spot, tired of always having to sleep on your left side (with the occasional shift to the right for a change of scenery). And let's not forget about pee breaks. I'm lucky if it's only once a night, but usually it's two to three trips to the washroom. Trying to walk there with my eyes close so I can quickly fall back asleep. Then there are baby kicks that keep you from sleeping, and lastly the anxiousness of waiting for baby to come.

Add to this my daughter, who at the week of turning two, seemed to get the memo of the 'terrible twos!" Who sent this to her? Lately my two year old hasn't been sleeping well. She was a perfect sleeper. Even when we first moved her to her big girl bed she had no issues. We've had lots of changes and I think she knows something is up.... baby is coming! Her naps have shortened and bedtime is a disaster right now. Her 7:30 pm bedtime has suddenly become 10:00 pm! Every time you tuck her in and walk away you hear little feet running to the door a minute later crying for mommy! Back to sleep training all over again!

Here's my daughter fighting nap time. Let her cry it out and we found her asleep on the floor!

Zombie Daughter! Lack of sleep is affecting her, but she still fights it.

Now I'm a work-at-home mom. So nap times and evenings are when I get my work done.  Cutting into my work time means I've been up extra late trying to get all my work done. It's not unusual for me to go to bed at 2:00 am anymore. I'm lucky if I get five hours of sleep a night. I've become a Zombie Mom! Wait until baby two comes!

The occasional day I do take off of work, I lie in bed tossing and turning. My body is so use to staying up late. What do I do? I'm not the kind of girl that has the glass of warm milk and reads a book. I'll admit, I check my emails, log on to momstown's message board to see 'what's up' and 'who's up with me', and check facebook and twitter. But facebook is pretty 'dead' at night. I usually rely on momstown 'cause there is so much to read and respond to on the message board, and there is bound to be another mom or two logged on while I am. It helps me not feel like I'm the only person awake in the entire city right now! Many of us have late night feedings and need someone to talk to while we're up in the middle of the night.

Now if you're not lucky enough to have a momstown in your community, check out twitter. Yes, I know not a lot of moms have bought into twitter yet. It's not just about following celebrities. I have connected with lots of moms from around the world. Try it out! I recently discovered a hash tag #zombiemoms. Those that don't know what this means, a hash tag is a way to follow a conversation on twitter. #zombiemoms was started by moms who were up a lot at night, either feeding baby or dealing with sick kiddies, etc. If they can't sleep or need some company they check out who's on twitter at night by following the hash tag. The topic of conversation usually revolves around how tired we are the next day. And we joke about surviving with such lack of sleep. It's my favourite new hash tag to follow. So if you are on twitter, check it out and join in on the conversation!

So next time you're up late at night, find me! I'll probably be up too. Either on the momstown message board, twitter, facebook or writing another blog post!